The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
