And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
