Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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