Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
