You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
