peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
