I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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