it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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