i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
