JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
