problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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