guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize