cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
