I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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