I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
