every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
