Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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