Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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