Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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