you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
