Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize