he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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