Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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