Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
