How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
