is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
