I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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