i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
