i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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