So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
