I think my fart just growled at me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize