Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
