what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
