eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
