This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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