Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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