Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
