She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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