then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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