Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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