I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
