what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
