he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How's work?
Spinning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
