My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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