Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
