I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
