ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
