I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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