is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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