she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
