I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
