They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
