i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
