Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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