A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
