Just mADE A PArabola og urine
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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