im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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