i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
