Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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