Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
