absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
