This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
