dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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