She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
