Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize