Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
