you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
