Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
