That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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