That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
