Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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